“Just go Home!”

IMG_2700

I haven’t worked in a week, and it wasn’t as if I had planned it.  

At some point in the last week, it was as if life told me “Just go home! You aren’t needed right now. Go home.” So I did…

We decided that I was to stay home with our dogs instead of sending them to a kennel or having someone come watch them for the 24 hours when the family was to travel to an out of town graduation.  It just happened to coincide with Mother’s Day…

As soon as I got everyone off on their trip early in the morning, I went to the grocery store to get food that sounded good… vegetables that no one else likes in my clan…and ended up also with some grocery deli meatloaf and mashed potatoes and southern green beans. As it was early in the morning, it was just prepared and fresh.  I wandered home and sat out on the back porch in the still and perfect temperature, no breeze, sunny day and ate my food in peace.

At first I sat down and started eating slowly and wearily.  About 30 minutes in I noticed that the birds were singing.  How had I not noticed them before? Validation of how exhausted I was, I think… You never realize until there is a stark difference, a contrast to how things are going, that you see how things truly are.  It’s easy to keep going by saying “ I’m O.K. I can handle one more thing. I can push through this.” Never realizing that you have accumulated enough stuff to be carrying a mountain…

The neighbors next door were having their generations visiting to celebrate Mother’s Day.  It just floated past me. And in my heavy meal, perfect sunny day stupor, I fell asleep.  I hadn’t realized how tired I was working, busy getting everyone else ready to go on their trip in typical mother fashion.  During my nap I got enough vitamin D to burn my pale skin, from never getting to go outdoors because I was always working. 

A week since, my burn has faded now. 

I have taken advantage of nobody needing me all week once I got them all off to work and school. I have stuck to standing in the shade while I buried my hands deep in yard work, re-grounding and connecting with myself and breathing the fresh air. 

What a wonderful Mother’s day gift! 

I’m Not A Human Doing…

As I sit here contemplating doing my chores for the day, I keep coming back to the thought that I’m a human being… not a human doing… and I’ve got a lighter schedule this week, and thankfully so. So I can catch my breath.

This spring, I’ve been transitioning from getting a paycheck to a budget readjustment period of making sure I took every opportunity that came my way to make sure I had enough to make bills until I could see how the finances were playing out. 

The past few weeks have been a radical readjustment period for me.  I have been chasing business then crashing and burning… and, yes, that’s pretty literal as far as emotions go. 

No middle ground, just 100 % on and go and then emotional and physical consequences.

I think back to my post “Living like a racecar… that you have to come in for pit stops… “  …Or a total makeover and rebuild in my case!  – Bodywork, engine, and transmission…

There has got to be an easier way through life! 

I did use an affirmation for a while, years ago, that “ My life is easy”.  But I realized how many of my habits were hardwired to do things the difficult way, living the difficult life, having to responsible and diligent, and forcing relationships to work. 

Maybe because I grew up with very little and thought every physical thing was hard to get and was out of my reach.  I lived off others hand-me downs, and thought they were absolute gifts when I got them! This is something I am now more present with.

My parents showed hard work ethic, my father, especially, working long hours, yet my mother was always showing me the divine ability to pull from the cosmos whatever she needed by asking God verbally for what she needed in the moment, and invariably it always appeared, at the last moment. 

I have taken both of my parent’s approach to life, sometimes life has asked for me to rise to the occasion and do my fair share, and other times I have had to trust and ask and wait…Image

I am thankful for the back and forth.  -At least, I get the down time.  It would be nice to have a more stable life, but then again, how would I get my adrenaline rush filled?

I’ll be back to “busy” again soon.  For now I’m catching my breath.  Once my tank is full, life will send me activity again.  : – )

-Mandy