Waiting… for change

So, I have already fallen off the “post my blog every week” wagon…

I have been letting the waves of hormones and weariness wash over me.  I’ve been doing almost nothing, and like I have found often, life has been leaving me alone to take care of things. 

This is something I noticed early on in my massage therapist career.  There are ebbs and flows, and you have to go with them.  People always need my services when I have an expense coming up, whether I know it or not.  When I need to take care of things, I get “time off”.  It makes one budget, but you learn to honor the different phases of life.

I have been helping so many people to transition through stressful times over the last couple of years that I was getting over burned out and also needing to segue into something else myself. 

When one finds oneself in need of caffeine to make it through the day, it’s time to reevaluate things… especially when one’s health is posing questions about serious issues… Then it’s time to quit, and find something else that works better for you. 

It took me a while until things worked out to make the changes I could.  It was a matter of timing.  So I have gotten worse before I could get better while biding my time.  But I was looking for my “out” all the while trying to survive tug of war between daily grinding myself down and pushing with assertiveness to make money. 

I have gotten to the place where I’m now in the position that so many of my clients find themselves when they come to me for help.  “Broken”.  It’s my turn to remember what that feels like and I think that is a good thing if you make a living helping people, to BE there again.

So, I have been letting myself sleep a lot and slowly putting my house in order, really and metaphorically, as I reclaim my energy.  As I get a little bored, a sign that I’m better, I have done stuff.  I dig through an accumulated pile here, unload the dishwasher there… I’ll have a schedule again next week, for this week, I’m just here and it has been nice.  : – )

“Surviving Weightlessness”

 

This is how I feel right now. 

This concept I picked from up the book “The Surrendered Wife” by Laura Doyle. 

It very aptly describes the emotional vertigo and, therefore, anxiety that many of us face in transitional phases of our lives when we give up control and leap into the unknown. 

Choosing to move from a situation that wasn’t working and now moving on because, instead of staying and trying to unsuccessfully “make it work” (which I have an extensive history of), I am moving on without knowing exactly where I am going. 

This time, I am listening to my intuition… as scary and crazy as it seems, I opted for change having no vision of what to do, but knowing I’m on my right path.  It is freeing and feels “ weightless”.  I don’t know what my bearings are.  I just know “that” wasn’t “it”.

Growing up, I came from a home where the dichotomy between extreme scientific evaluation and intuitive hunches were valued and followed.  This leaves me with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde approach to figuring things out when faced with new personal territory, which I think many people can relate to. 

(It’s the whole “Should I? /Shouldn’t I?” that shows up in life ever so often.)

I find this true in people’s bodies. 

The healthy person responds to stress (change) with adaptability, being able to do things in a different way than has been normal.  The body always follows the emotions, but mentally, the mind choses to be rigid (or “ being right”) in its approach. 

We massage therapists call this “not being in one’s body”.  I feel this is one of the most important values of massage/touch therapy.  The body is holding vital information, but it is being devalued by the mind as “unsafe”. 

So war wages between the mind and body over the way to handle things.  Both the mind and body suffer because there is not communication and unison in their actions and functions. 

Bringing peace, harmony and balance to the whole is how one gets back to some sense of wholeness.  Touch therapy helps you align back up with what makes you, you and to face changes and adapt.   

I will be trying to get in a massage or some kind of personal therapy this week.  How about you?

 : – )

(By the way, check out the book.  Here’s her link:  http://lauradoyle.org/   It has some excellent tips for negotiating all kinds of relationships, whatever they may be.)